Weekend Funnies

 

Questions and Answers from the AARP Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?

Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:

"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..."

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go bra-less. It will usually pull them out...

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Weekend Funnies

If it has tires or testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

The Ultimate Tease

We're havin' a party!

The Queen's Meme #81 ~ The Elevator Meme

 Welcome to The Queen's Meme
7 Royal Questions on Tuesday

Royal Rules:

This week we are going on a very short trip inside a very small space. In fact, we are going to make several stops along the way. Ding! Step inside the elevator. You will visit seven floors. Be prepared to face the question and/or situation when the door opens on...
The Elevator Meme
Going UP!
Oh, one more thing. You must answer the questions in the order given.  The reason will become clear on the last question.


1st Floor:
When the door opens you are faced with a crowd of people staring at you wiggling and jiggling around trying to make room for you to fit inside with them. But you must have the elevator all to yourself to finish this meme (by order of The Queen!)
Make up a story that will make them all leave.

I didn't have to say a word... I just held up a sign :)

2nd. Floor:
Now that you are alone and laughing at your lying wicked ways, choose your elevator ambiance and music. What does your Party Elevator look like?

My party elevator is a cross between a disco and the cash cab...

and I'm listening to Enrique Iglesias' "Tonight (I'm Lovin' You)"

3rd Floor: 
You decide to push the CLOSE button repeatedly because you want more time inside to yourself and besides...it's fun (!) and you're in charge of your Elevator Universe.  Finally, you realize you must open the door.  You are faced with a pregnant woman about to give birth and a very angry man pushing her wheelchair.  Do you let them on or do you shut the door and leave them stranded once again?

The sign remember?

No pregnant woman in her right mind wants to give birth on a broken elevator... 

they'll take the stairs.

4th Floor:
An obviously wealthy woman shares your space to the next floor. She is rude, condescending and reeks of expensive perfume. Her over-sized wide brimmed hat keeps smacking you in the face. As she steps out, a $100 bill accidentally falls from her purse. Do you keep it or do you return it?

I don't think she'll miss it... 

do you?

5th Floor: 
Ding! Oh joy! In steps the last person who broke your heart or someone you seriously dislike. The elevator gets stuck for 30 minutes. It is going to be a very long ride. What do you say or do?

No one messes with my heart... been there done that.

Did I mention my party elevator has a pole?

A girl's gotta get her exercise ya know.

 

6th Floor: 
No one gets on the elevator. You are alone again. You decide to make a prank phone call to one person. Why not? No one can see or hear you. Who do you call and what do you say?

I call the Queen of Bloggingham and tell her I'm the Blog Police and she's under investigation for meme fraud and the illegal imprisonment of meme players.

7th Floor: Just before you arrive on the 7th floor you notice that there is a hidden camera on the elevator that has been videotaping your every word and deed since the 1st floor lie began. The door opens and there stands a police officer. Which one of the people in the previous questions do you stop and pick up on your way back down who would vouch for your good character? (You may not go back and change your answers to any of the questions. Whatever you did, you're stuck. So to speak.)

Uh oh....

Monday's Chuckle